someone get that fucking seahorse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
