I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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