You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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