I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
