I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
