How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
