But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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