I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
