Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
