I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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