Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
