I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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