Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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