he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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