i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
