ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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