thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
