My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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