I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
