I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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