You're earring is so big in my mouth
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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