yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
