Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
