well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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