you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
