I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
