keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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