There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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