Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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