remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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