grandma shit on top of the toilet
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
