in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
