at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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