We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
