Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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