Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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