I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
