she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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