He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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