he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
