I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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