i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
