I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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