she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
