You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
