I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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