btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
