One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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