Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
