If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
