Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
