and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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