Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
