You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
