I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
