apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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