I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night