Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2971) Bad night (675)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...

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  (602): she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot... http://tfl.nu/ac1u
  Replies (6) Good night (3140) Bad night (1216)
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  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

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  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4635) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

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  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3786) Bad night (1292)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?

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  (205): She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more? http://tfl.nu/6zzu
  Replies (6) Good night (3216) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

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  (612): Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor. http://tfl.nu/6ksu
  Replies (9) Good night (3776) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.

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  (207): Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america. http://tfl.nu/yc3t
  Replies (7) Good night (3001) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  lets go back to having secrets in our friendship

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  (651): raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win (608): lets go back to having secrets in our friendship http://tfl.nu/pq7s
  Replies (6) Good night (3187) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.

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  (407): I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water. http://tfl.nu/vrnp
  Replies (1) Good night (976) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.

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  (405): yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt. http://tfl.nu/yslp
  Replies (6) Good night (1217) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.

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  (202): i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy. http://tfl.nu/piez
  Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday

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  (541): Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday http://tfl.nu/3cvq
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.

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  (570): 2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card. http://tfl.nu/36zr
  Replies (8) Good night (488) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.

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  (610): My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night. http://tfl.nu/dw42
  Replies (0) Good night (242) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"

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  (330): you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD" http://tfl.nu/m1v4
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (509)

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