Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she looks like luggage that fell from a plane

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  (217): she looks like luggage that fell from a plane http://tfl.nu/yvwr
  Replies (5) Good night (717) Bad night (2571)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

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  (817): If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/qqbj
  Replies (13) Good night (3256) Bad night (740)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (50) Good night (6764) Bad night (2345)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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  (918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p
  Replies (5) Good night (1357) Bad night (2814)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there

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  (570): I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there http://tfl.nu/1aoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2217) Bad night (729)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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  (201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v
  Replies (1) Good night (1250) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.

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  (618): I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/7cee
  Replies (2) Good night (3663) Bad night (668)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.

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  (307): They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on. http://tfl.nu/xhc3
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (690)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I wholeheartedly concur

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  (907): There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail. (307): I wholeheartedly concur http://tfl.nu/eyej
  Replies (5) Good night (1279) Bad night (464)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.

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  (440): You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids? (330): Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice. http://tfl.nu/lps6
  Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (371)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick

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  (713): I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick http://tfl.nu/vk4p
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (354)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that

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  (306): well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that http://tfl.nu/qqt3
  Replies (4) Good night (406) Bad night (774)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."

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  (302): You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter." http://tfl.nu/rvq9
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.

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  (815): best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting. http://tfl.nu/8p5b
  Replies (6) Good night (495) Bad night (155)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.

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  (713): She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone. http://tfl.nu/3fa4
  Replies (0) Good night (156) Bad night (255)

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