ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck