I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.