Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.