I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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