Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife

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  (812): If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife http://tfl.nu/4wdu
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (948)
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  (268): View more from Antigua/Barbuda-Carib

  she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.

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  (268): she thought don quixote was a type of tequila. http://tfl.nu/q3q2
  Replies (44) Good night (3859) Bad night (2533)
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  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

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  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4789) Bad night (1290)
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  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5777) Bad night (1151)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you

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  (214): My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you http://tfl.nu/i385
  Replies (12) Good night (4069) Bad night (1101)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3419) Bad night (1793)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future

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  (+44): Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future http://tfl.nu/1p5t
  Replies (9) Good night (2646) Bad night (643)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room

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  (406): don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room http://tfl.nu/gche
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (820)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"

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  (541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/tdde
  Replies (11) Good night (2967) Bad night (686)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.

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  (208): Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind. http://tfl.nu/wqhb
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (520)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.

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  (773): You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday. http://tfl.nu/8aa9
  Replies (4) Good night (1646) Bad night (579)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!

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  (713): WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?! http://tfl.nu/7tg4
  Replies (10) Good night (616) Bad night (885)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.

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  (817): I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones. http://tfl.nu/bbiz
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (344)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.

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  (814): I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's. http://tfl.nu/kzl8
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (379)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex

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  (480): Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex http://tfl.nu/iijh
  Replies (7) Good night (257) Bad night (570)

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