the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
