and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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