Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
