You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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