my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
