Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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