I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
