So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
