I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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